I just don’t know where to run to. I don’t know where to hide. I want this pain to go away. And yes I’m going to lie to everyone. I’m going to say I’m okay when I’m not. I just wish I could take it all away. I want my roof to be your ceiling. I want the world for you. I want to help you. To be your best friend. To be your sister. The sorrow that’s in my heart will never make it out of my mouth into a fathomable explanation. I can’t show you how I feel. All I want to do is hold you. I don’t want you to leave my sight. I don’t want to let you go. I’m so scared. Out of my mind scared. When I see those bruises and I see your black eyes and when I see your scratched eye. I hurt. My stomach twists and turns and I can’t move. I want to change things. But I can’t give you salvation. I can’t force it upon you. I can’t shake you until you give in. You have to let Him in. You have to take the steps. Don’t say you don’t need it right now, or maybe later, cause now is when you need Him the most. I’m tired of these sleepless nights where I’m reminded of how dried tears almost sting. You’ve run into every wall there is. There’s nothing left to run into. Come home. I miss you more than anything. If you can’t help yourself because you know you need it, do it for me. Do it because I’m not going to get a phone call one day, I’m not going to say goodbye anytime soon. I’m strong, but not that strong. I love you so much, and it tears me apart to see this. To see you so exhausted, skinny, and it looks like you haven’t been sober in months. I just love you too much to see this continue. You’re not going to do this to yourself anymore. I won’t allow it. You’re my best friend, but more importantly, you’re my sister.

And that’s just it. How am I suppose to be okay with myself when I go to sleep every night knowing that if something were to happen to her or me that I wouldn’t eve see her again. You don’t know how terrifying It is to hold on so tightly, and to never be sure. I love her so much but it’s so difficult to continuously be let down. It’s harsh I understand. But does she realize all that I’ve done for her? Does she understand the extent of how worried for her safety I get? Yeah I am the younger one, but I have a good head on my shoulders and even when you’re not telling me the whole truth I can’t help but wonder how stupid you really think I am. Compared to you, yes I am innocent, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t hurt and I wouldn’t understand. I just want to be here for you, and I don’t ever want to lose you. I’ve thanked God everyday this week that you have been home. I missed you way too much, and you’ll probably never understand. I just want you to stop running, He’s right here. He has always been here. And He loves you. Why do you have to keep running into these walls? What point are you still trying to make? Who are you trying to convince? When will enough be enough? Are you satisfied with this life? I want more for you, and I know you do too. So let it go. Everything you have. Give it all to Him.